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A Solution To All Our Problems

February 23, 2017

A remarkable scientific discovery was announced today: there are seven (yes, SEVEN) “Earth-like” planets revolving around a single star, named TRAPPIST-1. Even better news is that at least three of these planets are in the habitable zone.

We don’t know what atmospheres (if any) these planets have, but if these three could support life, then we can gift them to some this planet’s more quarrelsome residents. For example, you could have:

*A planet for the Sunnis

*A planet for the Shi’ites

*A planet for all the people who think we should import large numbers of Muslims to Western countries

Of course there would be plenty of objections to this idea. Getting rid of the Muslims and Islamophiles won’t rid us of the Catholics, the Baptists, the Orthodox Jews who create dramas when they are seated next to women on an airplane, or the depressingly large number of fuckwitted atheists around today.

To this I say: “Be patient! There is no shortage of stars out there. Some day, one day, we will find an interstellar home for all of this planet’s fucktards, then we shall live in peace!”

Shalom.

 

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